The ambition of a mother

The ambition of a mother is constantly challenged by the passive aggressive behavior that can be equated with competition and the cattiness with which women consistently hold each other to higher standards that any man ever could. The method by which women consistently cut each other down and prey on the weak. It is the self doubt that women have that they feel the need to transfer onto others, which despite the fact that we live in an era where we will raise our daughters and granddaughters to do anything and be anything. We look at others and doubt. Doubt that they can handle all that they have taken on, doubt that they can afford that car, doubt that they will be willing to collaborate professionally.

I consistently see this in women I deal with of all ages, cultures, and backgrounds. Professional women, stay at home moms, women with kids, women without kids. I find this behavior coming from my own mother, and even myself. It’s contagious. Just when you’ve told yourself not to be judgmental, or be nice, someone starts up, at the office, the park, on the phone, and suddenly you’re caught up in the tornado.

I bring this up because when I step back and take a look at this behavior, it counteracts all that is good about what it means to be a woman in this day and age. It disregards the fact that if we could only manage to work together better, to pool our resources, to trust one another more willingly, we could be so much more. We could do so much more.

This mothers day, I want to acknowledge the influence strength, and love that my mother has given me. More importantly, I want to be the best role model I know how to my children. I want to channel my ambition to be more, to do more, to help others more into a successful career, not because I want to leave my family behind, or because they are unimportant to me. On the contrary, they are my world, my life, and my greatest achievements. They are also a work in progress, and will continue to be for many years to come. The best way I can influence, strengthen, and love my children is to show them that hard work, resourcefulness, and charity make us all stronger.

I won’t feel guilty for not being by their side 24x7, I know that they have a loving father that is there often times when I am not. All I can do for my children is to not be judgmental of other peoples’ choices in how they raise their children or live their lives. We all have our reasons, we all make our choices, and we must all be accountable for those choices.

What I have to show

Funny, I wanted to actually take a few minutes to blog this morning since I haven't in so long. Listening to my ipod here and trying to make sense of the latest Monday. As I started to type I heard "I don't have a lot to show for these years of hard work - if you look at what I own". Totally true of us - we're so in the red it's not really even funny. But, it could be so much worse. We are really so lucky - and we have these beautiful children to take care of. We have a lot to show for all of the debt :) - and they'll bring us so much more joy (and debt!) in the years to come it will all be worth it!

Confessions of a compulsive shopper

How did it get this bad? How did my compulsion get the best of me. It makes me understand addiction so much better now. Alcohol, crack, meth, and credit. They are all up there. They all make you do things and say things that you wouldn't normally do. They all make you persuade other people that it's not so bad - maybe even a good idea to go to the store, buy that item, it's no big deal. We'll work out a plan to pay for it right? There's always tomorrow.

This was what I used to tell myself when we were just starting out. Only one child, working part time jobs, finishing school, living in an area where cost of living wasn't nearly as high as California. We'll make more later and we can take care of it then. Too bad they're right - the more you make, the more you owe. The reality is that may of the things we continue to pay for are long gone. It's of course impossible to track the little things, but there are plenty of larger purchases that are no longer with us. My first computer, a laptop, our washer and dryer.

I seem to have this love/hate realtionship with money. I've managed for too long to go through these cycles of not being in the financial position I want to be in - with the therapy for that being to go out and spend some more. Despite making more money than I could have ever imagined, we seem to have dug ourselves deeper and deeper into the hole of debt.

In many ways I think it was my way of rebelling against my father. He was the most "frugal" person I knew. Okay, okay - he was tight - to the extreme. He did however, make sure his family was taken care of, houses paid for, college paid for, food on the table. I never really wanted for anything. The problem was, my father - although he managed the finances, never taught me about finance. It was this great burden that he faced alone - never taking the time to communicate with my mother about them - much less to show me and have me appreciate the work and worry that went into making it all happen. I live that now - if it weren't for my background in finance acting as my conscience I don't know where we would be. My husband is blissfully unaware of the day to day - month to month and year to year concerns I have about our lives and the path that we're going down. I want to sleep like he sleeps - if I had dollar for all the sleepless nights....oh who am I kidding. I would have spent that too.

The best I can do is continue to acknowledge my problem - as I mature let go of those tendancies. Even more importantly I have to find a way to educate myself and my family before we pass the point of no return.