Adventures in Sportsmanship and AYSO

As a parent of 4 children, two with special needs, it has been a challenge to be a successful soccer family. Luckily we have been met with a great support system here over the past 4 years in AYSO Region 68 since both of our boys have played on the VIP team for kids with special needs under the tireless direction of great coaches.

This year, we cautiously decided it was time and after consulting with our oldest son who was turning 10 we opted to put him on a regular U10 team here in AYSO Region 68. I have to admit we were scared, worried he wouldn’t fit in with the other boys, or play well enough – but after watching a practice and the first game I came to realize the importance of his place on the team. It wasn’t to be the best player; it was to teach his teammates what it means to pick up the slack for a weaker team member.

Our son got everything out of this season AYSO “Region 68 enthusiastically supports” from its website –

• Registration was open to him
• He played every game, was on time and enthusiastic
• He was on a balanced team, and had many talented and supportive teammates
• He received positive coaching
• He developed skills he did not have prior to playing this season

The parents and kids on the team were highly supportive, although I don’t know that all of them knew of my son’s official diagnosis of autism – all were supportive of him none the less. The most important point of all - my son enjoyed himself, and being part of the team.

His team did well, so well in fact despite my son’s deficits and skills on the field went undefeated until the championship game and were even invited to the Regional playoffs. It was at this point we saw our only unfortunate behavior – when his assistant coach suggested he be ‘late’ or ‘sick’ so his team members would have a better chance of winning.

As Muhammed Ali said – “The will must be stronger than the skill.”

Thanks to all in our community that truly believe in character above shelves of trophies.

Blindsided by Ignorance

So we just recently found out that we are expecting one more child – this will be #4. Never thought I would have 4 kids, but it that is what is what we are getting we should be so lucky to have a family of 6. What I wasn’t prepared for was how judgmental some people e can be. Working with a new group of people when I announced it at a business dinner one of the ladies excitedly asked me if it was my first. When I answered “No, 4th” she quietly said “Oh”. On our long weekend I decided it was time to get the boys out of the house and down to the pool. I happened to sit down with one of our neighbors and her husband to talk while the boys played. As we talked about what it will mean to have a 4th child – this woman says to me. “You know you are going to have to get rid of your dogs. You are going to have 4 kids and two have SPECIAL NEEDS.”

I was dumbfounded. Understanding that there is a story behind the dogs, we have two 10 year old boxers that were our babies before we had babies. At first I thought it was the dog comment that bothered me. I love my dogs, I may have to pay someone to walk them but they have always been there for us. It is hard to think about what it will be like when they are gone. I definitely have times that I think life would be easier without them but that isn’t what we signed up for when we got them.

Later that night I woke up and realized what really got to me about this statement – so bluntly telling me that two of my children have special needs. No, really? I completely missed the past 5 years of my life and being told that one, no wait both of my boys have autism. Going through classes, learning to navigate the Regional Center, how to have a successful IEP and get proper placement for my children. What was I thinking going to support groups, leading support groups, becoming a Board Member for PAUSE4kids, encouraging my husband to become a VCAS member? What were we thinking in being supportive of other parents and helping them to learn their options more quickly than we did all while working 2 and at some times 3 jobs. I can’t believe that it never occurred to me that I was just too busy to look up and think of all of these things – you mean to tell me my kids are different? Wow - I'm shocked.

How can you tell me how beautiful my daughter is and completely ignore my boys? The most painful part of this is the realization that people don’t see how beautiful and special these boys are. They are smart and intelligent and we have worked hard and blazed a trail that has been hard fought (with many more battles ahead) to get them where they are. Doesn’t she realize this could be her child and her battle?

Sadly, as painful as that one statement has been for me, it makes me realize people don’t understand what our lives are like, they may think they do, but they have no idea. I have learned to be very compartmentalized in my emotions. I have to be. There is work to be done, systems to design and setup, children to feed, classes to teach, a family to love. These are the people I stay involved in to educate and create awareness for. It isn’t for the parents or the special needs population – we already know all too well the reality of the situation.