How the Grinch Stole Summer Vacation

My husband and I are proud to call ourselves citizens of Camarillo. It is a great community in which to raise a family and enjoy living in Southern California without the hustle and bustle of LA and the crime, problems, and among other issues. We’ve lived here for 6 years, in the same house in the same neighborhood. Children ride bikes, play outside with their friends, use sidewalk chalk, all of the fun stuff we did when we were kids. We’ve loved it here, almost all of our neighbors have children – at one point there were 23 children within the 10 houses on our block alone. We have watched our neighbors kids grow and our own. They make friends that they go to the same school with in most cases and you can’t hope for much more in the way of a great environment for your kids.

Unfortunately, we have an HOA which has become increasingly focused on the so called safety of these activities. First it was a letter, and now yesterday in the mail a postcard proposing actual changes to the Rules and Regulations notifying us as home owners we are welcome to attend and discuss. Who knew chalk drawing and loitering could be used in the same sentence?

Our children draw in our driveway all of the time with chalk, it is one of their favorite things to do, they want to ride their bikes, have fun, and are never unattended while they are outside. These are basic reminiscent activities of summers gone by for anyone, and anyone trying to establish rules in the name of safety is missing the point of looking out for their neighbors and what has made this a great neighborhood to begin with.

Our society has lost sight of looking out for the welfare and development of all children and the bigger picture. Restricting activities that can build relationships, and foster a sense of community for everyone’s benefit is detrimental to everyone, not just members of the HOA. We will not be attending the HOA meeting because we have 4 children who a more deserving of the time and attention than this non-issue. Any true issues of vandalism, loitering, and the like are due to much bigger issues than our children playing in the streets.

Adventures in Sportsmanship and AYSO

As a parent of 4 children, two with special needs, it has been a challenge to be a successful soccer family. Luckily we have been met with a great support system here over the past 4 years in AYSO Region 68 since both of our boys have played on the VIP team for kids with special needs under the tireless direction of great coaches.

This year, we cautiously decided it was time and after consulting with our oldest son who was turning 10 we opted to put him on a regular U10 team here in AYSO Region 68. I have to admit we were scared, worried he wouldn’t fit in with the other boys, or play well enough – but after watching a practice and the first game I came to realize the importance of his place on the team. It wasn’t to be the best player; it was to teach his teammates what it means to pick up the slack for a weaker team member.

Our son got everything out of this season AYSO “Region 68 enthusiastically supports” from its website –

• Registration was open to him
• He played every game, was on time and enthusiastic
• He was on a balanced team, and had many talented and supportive teammates
• He received positive coaching
• He developed skills he did not have prior to playing this season

The parents and kids on the team were highly supportive, although I don’t know that all of them knew of my son’s official diagnosis of autism – all were supportive of him none the less. The most important point of all - my son enjoyed himself, and being part of the team.

His team did well, so well in fact despite my son’s deficits and skills on the field went undefeated until the championship game and were even invited to the Regional playoffs. It was at this point we saw our only unfortunate behavior – when his assistant coach suggested he be ‘late’ or ‘sick’ so his team members would have a better chance of winning.

As Muhammed Ali said – “The will must be stronger than the skill.”

Thanks to all in our community that truly believe in character above shelves of trophies.

Career Advice

Our HR group was asked recently to support a local high school program and talk to a class about what it is like to be in the workforce and what skills they will need to be successful. I couldn’t help myself I had to sign up. If it wasn’t for a program like this one, I likely wouldn’t have the skills that I do today.

In my mind, my experience has been an exceptional one. The speakers came from a locally owned oil and gas company and after a few sessions with my class I got up the courage to ask if the company could donate money to my bid to attend Close Up – a program for high school students to visit Washington DC. The response was not to offer me money, but the opportunity to work 20 hours for a $100 donation. The cost of the trip was $1,100 so this was a drop in the bucket, but I went with it. The deal was to see what I could do and I knew it, it was clear to me that if I could prove myself in the first 20 hours I could maybe get a more permanent job out of it. I filed, I learned to download data into spreadsheets. This was my first experience with a PC since all we had in the schools were Mac’s. It was a great lesson in learning to work with people and do a variety of jobs. I became a part time employee and worked over holiday breaks and when I would return from college in the summer. This computer experience gave me an advantage when I began college and all throughout. I had the practical experience and real world examples as a result to apply in my courses. I ended up working for the company seasonally for 5 years doing everything from filing, computer work, answering phones, sorting mail, you name it.

When I was in my senior year of college I began tutoring for the athletic department, on many topics but primarily math. This was ironic to those around me since I always struggled with math, but I went with it and began to get better and better at the concepts as I myself was the one explaining them. It was this position in addition to my college degree that gave me the opportunity to begin teaching computers at a small adult school while working on my master’s degree. I started out teaching Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and Access and began prepping my students for the Microsoft Certification Exams. Unsure why they were coming back without good scores when I knew they had the concepts I began taking the exams myself and I began to learn how to take the exams and in turn teach to them. There is strategy involved after all in outsmarting a computer program regardless whether it is in the format of a video game or a test. Once I had taken all of the exams I discovered that you could become a master certified instructor by passing all exams and teaching for two years, and so I got my certification in Office 2000 while teaching.

A few years later when we moved to California I had begun looking for work and leaned on what I knew best which was teaching. In the fall of 2004 I began teaching for CSUCI part time as an instructor teaching Comp 101 – Introduction to computers. There is nothing like repetition to ensure you know what you are talking about. Teaching 4 sections of the same course meant I would teach on the same topic 4 times a day, nothing is more mind-numbing than that – but at the same time I came to realize it helped to really solidify what I knew and my confidence in presenting it to other people. Upon getting hired as an Engineering Administrator for my current company I began to scale back my teaching and eventually took a break from teaching. It has only been in the last two years that I have returned to teaching part time and currently teach an online course for upper division non-computer science department on the Survey of Online gaming.

My experience in improved greatly as I began working at Meggitt, my first big corporate job. I learned what the engineering group did, supported them, booked travel, developed reports, and took it all in. I took an administrative position with a Masters degree not because it was as good as I thought I could do, but because it was in an area of interest to me and my way of getting my foot in the door. Clearly I have not chosen to work for the perfect company, but no doubt one that has given me plenty of opportunities to grow an learn. I have had opportunities to learn the business and implement systems where previously there had been paper. I continue to do this type of work at a corporate level, and change management remains one of the biggest challenges.

My career is not an expansive one, but it has taught me to push the boundaries, do more than was asked, and never say something wasn’t my job. I have looked at every new job as an opportunity to gain a skill or insight that I would save for future reference. I am highly appreciative of the confidence and opportunities that those around me have had which have enabled me to grow and develop as an individual. In any job you have your expectation of the experience will ultimately shape your performance and your future. Hopefullly I can convey that to the high school student I once was.

A High Stakes Halloween Casino Night Fundraiser

Ventura County Non-Profit Presents

A High Stakes Halloween

Fundraiser to Support Children with Special Needs

September 18, 2009 (Thousand Oaks, CA)-- PAUSE4kids, a non-profit organization based in Ventura County will proudly host A High Stakes Halloween October 10, 2009 at Wood Ranch Country Club from 6:00pm to midnight. All proceeds from the event will be used to financially aid the needs of local children with disabilities.

This High Stakes Halloween is a celebration of Las Vegas’ hey-day, The 1960’s! At this haunted 1960’s casino party guests will enjoy casino games, live music, costumes, and a silent auction. Guests will be able to bid on everything from a weekend stay in a Malibu beach house to cooking classes.

“PAUSE4kids provides parent training, support groups and grant funding and for services for special needs children with the proceeds of our fundraising activities,” Susan Baukus, Vice President of PAUSE4kids said.

With current educational cut-backs and a down economy, PAUSE4kids works to provide financial assistance to children with special needs and their families by helping to provide whatever is needed that is not readily available.

Tickets are $60 for an individual or $100 per couple and include dinner, hors d’oeuvres, a drink ticket and $200 in casino chips. Tickets and additional gaming chips are available online now at www.pause4kids.org.

Sponsors for the evening include Amgen, Meggitt, STAR Autism, Wachbrit Braverman PC, Kiwanis, Newman Aaronson and Vanaman, Advanced Property Maintenance, M3 Civil Engineering, Sweet Impressions, Companion Connection, California Psych Care, and WorkSite Health Inc. Honorary sponsors for the evening include the Batarsa Family & Far East Flowers, Ventura County Autism Society, and Channel Islands Social Services.

About PAUSE4kids

PAUSE4kids is a non-profit, 501(c) 3, organization founded and governed by concerned parents of special needs children. The organization provides resources and information to "fill the gaps" by providing advocacy, education, support and scholarships for the special needs children in Ventura and Los Angeles Counties. www.PAUSE4kids.org

Shots In the Dark - A Film by Lina B. Moreco

Shots in the Dark, is a documentary produced by the National Film Board of Canada. The delicate subject of vaccinations is a very political and emotional issue. It is your right as a parent to have informed consent. Please watch the movie and visit the film's website to find out:

• How To Get Vaccinated
• How to Choose
• Relavent Websites

Links to the documentary in 9 parts on YouTube is below:

Shots in the Dark Part 1

Shots in the Dark Part 2

Shots in the Dark Part 3

Shots in the Dark Part 4

Shots in the Dark Part 5

Shots in the Dark Part 6

Shots in the Dark Part 7

Shots in the Dark Part 8

Shots in the Dark Part 9

Educate yourself, advocate for your child, make informed decisions.

~Spectrummom

Our Story of Autism

It occurred to me after being invited to be the parent at an upcoming Autism Panel where I would have to share our story that I had never actually blogged about it. I've told the story what seems like a thousand times to various people. So, here it goes, this is our story of autism:

We have two beautiful sons born in August of 2001 and November of 2003. Our family moved to Southern California in February of 2004 so that my husband could take a job at NAVSEA working at the Port Hueneme Naval Base. Jonah was 2 years and AJ 2 months old. The first 6 months that we lived here, my husband traveled for 3 of them. I tried to acclimate to the new environment, new neighbors, get out and meet new people. I tried mom’s groups, play dates, you name it. We went to the beach; after all we lived there what a great life right? It was all such a struggle. By July I had told my husband and myself that it was time for me to go back to work. I was convinced I wasn’t cut out to be a stay at home mom. I just didn’t fit in with the other moms. My kids didn’t play like the other kids, and I thought it was just me.

By the Fall of 2004 I had gotten a job and the boys were going to preschool and daycare about 20 hours a week. Jonah attended First Presbyterian preschool in Oxnard for about 4 months when the preschool suggested we have Jonah evaluated by the schools. Sure what could possibly be wrong with our first born? He’s talking, he’s walking, and he’s a sweet loving little boy. So we set an appointment with the school psychologist in our home school district to have him evaluated. Have both just started jobs, we decided to tag team these meetings, our biggest rookie mistake.

So, since he was closer my husband attended the meeting with the psychologist and I dialed in for a conference call. She asked us questions and towards the end light-heartedly added that “Dad is an engineer and mom is into Computers, he’ll be fine”. At the time that was a comment that at the time we didn’t understand the humor or the value of. At the end of the call she told us she would also evaluate Jonah and write up her report and be in touch. A few weeks later we were invited to a meeting to review the findings from the psychologist. The preschool teacher, school psychologist, speech therapist, and many others were in attendance. This time it was my turn to show up to the meeting, so Joe went to work as usual that day. It was our first IEP – and we didn’t even know what an IEP was. Sure they covered the formalities of sending us forms and setting the dates and times. However, I had no idea what I was walking into. I was told that day by the school district that my son had autism and that we should consider getting in touch with the Regional Center as their diagnosis and the supports they could provide would be different. Until that day in early 2005 we had no idea that the Regional Centers existed, that our child had developmental delays or that our lives would forever be changed.

We worked through the spring and summer of 2005 to find placement for Jonah and we moved to Camarillo where he began attending the preschool program half days and attending day care. We also worked to get Jonah evaluated by the Regional Center –which also gave us a diagnosis of autism. We were setup with Respite and Daycare funding and no other real therapy. The denial in us told us the preschool was enough. After all, Jonah could walk, talk, and was a sweet boy.

Over the summer the boys had completed their time in Oxnard at the preschool and just as we began to breathe a sigh of relief that Jonah was finally taken care of and we could get on with our lives – we realized something was wrong with AJ. Between 12 and 15 months his vocabulary was developing and increasing. He was saying things like cup, drink, eat, square, circle, triangle, and rectangle. Between the ages of 15 and 18 months AJ began to lose words. By 18 months, everything was a rectangle – we joked that it was his battle cry. By 24 months he had stopped talking almost completely and no longer even said rectangle. Luckily we knew the drill, but it didn’t make it any easier. I realized that for myself I had been willing to accept the diagnosis of my second son, but only on my own terms, and when I received it via email rather than in a face to face meeting with the Regional Center psychologist I was devastated. It was the first and only time I cried about autism at work.

Over the course of the next 6-8 months my husband and I went through alternating stages of acceptance and mourning. Still plodding along with IEP’s, preschool schedules, parent training, and whatever we could get our hands on and muster the strength to try. AJ began receiving an Integrated Behavior Intervention (IBI) program, and upon turning 3 years old also began attending the school district’s early intervention program. He has since moved on to an Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) approach. It became difficult to prioritize the two as AJ’s case seemed so much more severe that Jonah was put on the back burner. How do you prioritize the needs of two children with special needs? There is no easy answer we still struggle with it to this day.

In the 4 years since receiving the diagnosis for both of our boys we have had the opportunity to learn from many wonderful people, teachers, therapists, parents and others. We have learned to acknowledge that we as parents are in control of our children’s future and we must guide them to the right resources and have the dreams and goals for what their future looks like. It may not be the same dreams and goals that we had for them when we first held them as infants, but having a child with special needs changes you and the person that you once were.

We have continued to do interventions with our boys above and beyond what the schools or the regional centers, or even our pediatricians have been able to provide or recommend. When we haven’t received the level of openness and support from these providers we have moved on to those who were willing to listen and let us be heard. Among these interventions have been Gluten Free/Casein Free diet, Blair Chiropractic, and also other bio-medical interventions in the form of supplements with the help of a DAN Doctor. We would never tell other parents these things will definitively work on their children. The most important point to be made is that no one knows your child better than you know your child. You must find the resources to educate yourself and advocate for your child.

Our family has progressed tremendously and our boys are both of our boys attended early intervention preschool and a Special Day Class Kindergarten, they are both fully included in 2^nd grade and Kindergarten respectively at our home school. Every day is a struggle and a challenge, but it is also a blessing and a gift. In addition to the boys we have a two year old daughter who is typical and are expecting a 4^th child in 2010. Our struggles are not over, they are ongoing and life-long. What makes the experience easier is knowing we have experience to share that enable to help other parents and allow them to struggle less based upon our trials and tribulations, and to give a big thanks to those parents who have gone before us to make our lives easier, helped to blaze a trail and who have been willing and able to mentor and teach us as well.

Blindsided by Ignorance

So we just recently found out that we are expecting one more child – this will be #4. Never thought I would have 4 kids, but it that is what is what we are getting we should be so lucky to have a family of 6. What I wasn’t prepared for was how judgmental some people e can be. Working with a new group of people when I announced it at a business dinner one of the ladies excitedly asked me if it was my first. When I answered “No, 4th” she quietly said “Oh”. On our long weekend I decided it was time to get the boys out of the house and down to the pool. I happened to sit down with one of our neighbors and her husband to talk while the boys played. As we talked about what it will mean to have a 4th child – this woman says to me. “You know you are going to have to get rid of your dogs. You are going to have 4 kids and two have SPECIAL NEEDS.”

I was dumbfounded. Understanding that there is a story behind the dogs, we have two 10 year old boxers that were our babies before we had babies. At first I thought it was the dog comment that bothered me. I love my dogs, I may have to pay someone to walk them but they have always been there for us. It is hard to think about what it will be like when they are gone. I definitely have times that I think life would be easier without them but that isn’t what we signed up for when we got them.

Later that night I woke up and realized what really got to me about this statement – so bluntly telling me that two of my children have special needs. No, really? I completely missed the past 5 years of my life and being told that one, no wait both of my boys have autism. Going through classes, learning to navigate the Regional Center, how to have a successful IEP and get proper placement for my children. What was I thinking going to support groups, leading support groups, becoming a Board Member for PAUSE4kids, encouraging my husband to become a VCAS member? What were we thinking in being supportive of other parents and helping them to learn their options more quickly than we did all while working 2 and at some times 3 jobs. I can’t believe that it never occurred to me that I was just too busy to look up and think of all of these things – you mean to tell me my kids are different? Wow - I'm shocked.

How can you tell me how beautiful my daughter is and completely ignore my boys? The most painful part of this is the realization that people don’t see how beautiful and special these boys are. They are smart and intelligent and we have worked hard and blazed a trail that has been hard fought (with many more battles ahead) to get them where they are. Doesn’t she realize this could be her child and her battle?

Sadly, as painful as that one statement has been for me, it makes me realize people don’t understand what our lives are like, they may think they do, but they have no idea. I have learned to be very compartmentalized in my emotions. I have to be. There is work to be done, systems to design and setup, children to feed, classes to teach, a family to love. These are the people I stay involved in to educate and create awareness for. It isn’t for the parents or the special needs population – we already know all too well the reality of the situation.