I have to tell the story because my heart is in my throat
and just hasn't come out yet. My pain,
my rage, my devastation are all just on hold while I get through the shock and
analyze how lucky we are and how to move forward constructively.
Today I got a call from my son’s therapist asking me if I
talked to my au pair. The kids had left
that morning to go to the park and the library and were supposed to be meeting
up with the therapist there. It was
3:00pm and she had arrived there about 2:30.
She told me that when she arrived at the library that our au pair
indicated that our 9 year old son with autism was near the pirate ship in the children's section of the library. When she went
looking for him though, he was nowhere to be found.
They had searched the library and she had gone driving looking for him.
Immediately I jumped up from my desk and called my husband
and then my au pair. No answer. I got in the van and she called me back and
indicated had my son and she was talking to someone – I told her to call me
back immediately. I drove to the library
and pulled up only to see a police car parked out front. I walked in not knowing if it was for my son
or not. It was.
Walking into the library I see my children, the au pair and
the therapist standing with a police officer.
The female police officer, who calmly approached me and indicated she
had statements from everyone and wanted to share with me the series of
events that she would be putting into her report.
She started by telling me that around 2:30 they had a
received a home invasion call from a home owner only blocks from our own home –
the home owner afraid it was a grown man soon realized it was a boy on her
balcony. The police arrived and called
into dispatch to see if there were any reports of missing children. At this point there were none. About 5-10 minutes later, they had a call
from the library staff indicating that our son was missing.
The police officer returned our son to the library just
before I had arrived and had begun speaking to our au pair and the
therapist. By now it was after
3:00pm. Our son had been away from the
library for what I can only estimate in distance and time, and knowing him personally, was at least was at least
40 minutes. He crossed two very busy
streets. One of which has heavy semi-truck
traffic, and train tracks. By his own
spotty accounts he at least used the crosswalks. Either way, an angel was walking with him
today. He walked almost a full mile
before arriving at a stranger’s house and simply walking in.
 |
| The route our son walked today. Alone. |
I can’t help but run scenarios through my mind of what could
have been. What if he had been abducted,
hit by a car, or startled a home owner with a gun. All of which are tragic scenarios, none of
which happened today.
As I assess the events of the day, I am thankful that I had
an officer who was kind, calm and collected.
A homeowner who I’m sure was scared out of their mind and unsure of what
was happening, but didn't overreact. A
therapist who had the peace of mind to call me directly.
Unfortunately I cannot say the same for our au pair, the
person we entrusted our children with, not only wasn't adequately watching the
children, but didn't even call. To say
we as parents are disappointed is the understatement of the century. No matter how scared, I would have hoped this
would be the first instinct. It was
not. It makes me feel responsible as a parent. As though we are a poor judge of character or should have known better.
It makes me sad for all au pairs it
is a poor reflection on all au pairs and one that gives people the impression
that horrible things will happen to their children. I don’t want to perpetuate that, especially
since we have had some wonderful experiences with au pairs over the course of
the last 7 years. Two of them have
children of their own, and all of them have left an impression on our
children. Simply put, I have to express
my sadness and fear and all of the emotions that go with not knowing where your
child is, and single out the poor judgment of one person and one person only.
Having said that the people we entrust our children to come
and go. Whether you have au pairs,
babysitters, respite workers, family members – they all play an important role
in raising our children and influencing them.
As we’ve seen from many of the news stories in recent weeks, having a
child and especially a child with special needs is a challenge 24 hours a day,
7 days a week and can end with tragedy without explanation or warning. It is with this, that the realization that no matter who we entrust our children with - we as parents ultimately have to live with the consequences of any bad decisions they make.
At this very moment I still feel numb from the
experience. I know my rage, anger,
tears, and a series of other emotions I can’t even contemplate are just waiting
to cut loose. For now, I am calm.
The silver lining to today’s events is that all of our
children are home safe and sound, and that we've selected a new au pair that we
can only hope will be a much better person for the position. Life doesn't stop and neither do the
challenges. We have to keep moving
forward.
