Horrifying Day...with a Silver Lining

I have to tell the story because my heart is in my throat and just hasn't come out yet.  My pain, my rage, my devastation are all just on hold while I get through the shock and analyze how lucky we are and how to move forward constructively.

Today I got a call from my son’s therapist asking me if I talked to my au pair.  The kids had left that morning to go to the park and the library and were supposed to be meeting up with the therapist there.  It was 3:00pm and she had arrived there about 2:30.   She told me that when she arrived at the library that our au pair indicated that our 9 year old son with autism was near the pirate ship in the children's section of the library.  When she went looking for him though, he was nowhere to be found.  They had searched the library and she had gone driving looking for him.

Immediately I jumped up from my desk and called my husband and then my au pair.  No answer.  I got in the van and she called me back and indicated had my son and she was talking to someone – I told her to call me back immediately.  I drove to the library and pulled up only to see a police car parked out front.  I walked in not knowing if it was for my son or not.  It was.

Walking into the library I see my children, the au pair and the therapist standing with a police officer.  The female police officer, who calmly approached me and indicated she had statements from everyone and wanted to share with me the series of events that she would be putting into her report.

She started by telling me that around 2:30 they had a received a home invasion call from a home owner only blocks from our own home – the home owner afraid it was a grown man soon realized it was a boy on her balcony.  The police arrived and called into dispatch to see if there were any reports of missing children.  At this point there were none.  About 5-10 minutes later, they had a call from the library staff indicating that our son was missing.

The police officer returned our son to the library just before I had arrived and had begun speaking to our au pair and the therapist.  By now it was after 3:00pm.  Our son had been away from the library for what I can only estimate in distance and time, and knowing him personally, was at least was at least 40 minutes.  He crossed two very busy streets.  One of which has heavy semi-truck traffic, and train tracks.  By his own spotty accounts he at least used the crosswalks.  Either way, an angel was walking with him today.  He walked almost a full mile before arriving at a stranger’s house and simply walking in. 

The route our son walked today.  Alone.

I can’t help but run scenarios through my mind of what could have been.  What if he had been abducted, hit by a car, or startled a home owner with a gun.  All of which are tragic scenarios, none of which happened today.

As I assess the events of the day, I am thankful that I had an officer who was kind, calm and collected.  A homeowner who I’m sure was scared out of their mind and unsure of what was happening, but didn't overreact.  A therapist who had the peace of mind to call me directly.

Unfortunately I cannot say the same for our au pair, the person we entrusted our children with, not only wasn't adequately watching the children, but didn't even call.  To say we as parents are disappointed is the understatement of the century.  No matter how scared, I would have hoped this would be the first instinct.  It was not.  It makes me feel responsible as a parent.  As though we are a poor judge of character or should have known better.

It makes me sad for all au pairs it is a poor reflection on all au pairs and one that gives people the impression that horrible things will happen to their children.  I don’t want to perpetuate that, especially since we have had some wonderful experiences with au pairs over the course of the last 7 years.  Two of them have children of their own, and all of them have left an impression on our children.  Simply put, I have to express my sadness and fear and all of the emotions that go with not knowing where your child is, and single out the poor judgment of one person and one person only.

Having said that the people we entrust our children to come and go.  Whether you have au pairs, babysitters, respite workers, family members – they all play an important role in raising our children and influencing them.  As we’ve seen from many of the news stories in recent weeks, having a child and especially a child with special needs is a challenge 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and can end with tragedy without explanation or warning.  It is with this, that the realization that no matter who we entrust our children with - we as parents ultimately have to live with the consequences of any bad decisions they make.

At this very moment I still feel numb from the experience.  I know my rage, anger, tears, and a series of other emotions I can’t even contemplate are just waiting to cut loose.  For now, I am calm.

The silver lining to today’s events is that all of our children are home safe and sound, and that we've selected a new au pair that we can only hope will be a much better person for the position.  Life doesn't stop and neither do the challenges.  We have to keep moving forward.